So I haven't done much today had good intentions to deliver presents and go to the store but it's been raining and I've been sick and I didn't want to be out in the rain and get sicker.
 My stomach was upset and I think it's because I've been eating to many sweet treats oh well maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
 So I've been kind of gloomy being indoors all day. I watched Santa Claus the movie and finished my book For Whom the bell tolls which I don't really recommend. But j got to start a new book I've been excited to read.
 I've been worried lately needlessly I am sure about some friend issues, but I'm handling it a little better and not quite so worried anymore.
 I am trying to follow the advice of my therapists and think more especially with my mom which is hard. I guess it's good for me to change I don't know but I kind of miss parts of my old self.
      I'm missing I think my grandma a lot. And it's been hard but I'm hanging in there.
 I got to go and do inititory at the temple the other day. The spirit was So very strong and I learned a lot about God's love for each of us. Was glad I could do so many names.
   I don't think I'm trying to hide so much anymore because I'm scared cause I've been learning to pray and to think more. I might be hiding a little But I'm looking more for comfort. Which is weird cause I usually have a hard time letting others comfort me because I'm not used to it....another hard thing about my grandma's funeral. Oh well. I guess I'm feeling a little more safe and secure.
   I guess I have to celebrate and find joy in the little things. I am really looking forward to Christmas and my birthday. Not so much going to the doctor but in a way kind of.
 I'm just not really that happy and I don't think I will be until I get back into the classroom although....I am uncertain about that in some ways.
 I understand too that my mom loves me I'm kind of unsure about my dad sometimes though. Even though sometimes my mom drives me crazy...I know that she loves me.
    My group therapy is going Ok. I finished my anxiety group. I'm still in women's group and should start depression group soon. That's part of the reason I chose to substitute for a while so that I can still attend groups while earning a little money.
 But I know my groups are important. I just know I've been through a lot in my little life and every now and Then I see glimpses and start to see why it's always been such a struggle for me.
      Well that's about all I have to say for right now. I know that love conquers all and I'll get through everything alright. It should be a good Christmas and birthday. This year I'm doing a little better and I've become a little more stronger and a little more grounded in some ways.
 I start thinking that not much in my life has changed in the past few years but I have made a lot of progress in some areas.
And I guess more of an inward change But a lot of these things I've learned have to do with my thought process. Well now it's time for bed maybe tomorrow will be a better day.