Well I went out to deliver christmas presents....went to a friend's house and she asked if I was alright?
 Am I alright?
   Well I've done a lot of things I wish I wouldn't have done..made a lot of mistakes.
   I miss my grandma sometimes.
   I've been through a lot in the last few years.
   But I'm alright.
Got to see my nephew's today and my friend so what could be better. Well even two of my friends. I've needed to  see her for a while now.
    I wish sometimes things could be different, but I know they are good at watching out for me.
   I am very blessed.
        I am looking forward to Christmas and my birthday in the next few days.
      That's about it.

So I haven't done much today had good intentions to deliver presents and go to the store but it's been raining and I've been sick and I didn't want to be out in the rain and get sicker.
 My stomach was upset and I think it's because I've been eating to many sweet treats oh well maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
 So I've been kind of gloomy being indoors all day. I watched Santa Claus the movie and finished my book For Whom the bell tolls which I don't really recommend. But j got to start a new book I've been excited to read.
 I've been worried lately needlessly I am sure about some friend issues, but I'm handling it a little better and not quite so worried anymore.
 I am trying to follow the advice of my therapists and think more especially with my mom which is hard. I guess it's good for me to change I don't know but I kind of miss parts of my old self.
      I'm missing I think my grandma a lot. And it's been hard but I'm hanging in there.
 I got to go and do inititory at the temple the other day. The spirit was So very strong and I learned a lot about God's love for each of us. Was glad I could do so many names.
   I don't think I'm trying to hide so much anymore because I'm scared cause I've been learning to pray and to think more. I might be hiding a little But I'm looking more for comfort. Which is weird cause I usually have a hard time letting others comfort me because I'm not used to it....another hard thing about my grandma's funeral. Oh well. I guess I'm feeling a little more safe and secure.
   I guess I have to celebrate and find joy in the little things. I am really looking forward to Christmas and my birthday. Not so much going to the doctor but in a way kind of.
 I'm just not really that happy and I don't think I will be until I get back into the classroom although....I am uncertain about that in some ways.
 I understand too that my mom loves me I'm kind of unsure about my dad sometimes though. Even though sometimes my mom drives me crazy...I know that she loves me.
    My group therapy is going Ok. I finished my anxiety group. I'm still in women's group and should start depression group soon. That's part of the reason I chose to substitute for a while so that I can still attend groups while earning a little money.
 But I know my groups are important. I just know I've been through a lot in my little life and every now and Then I see glimpses and start to see why it's always been such a struggle for me.
      Well that's about all I have to say for right now. I know that love conquers all and I'll get through everything alright. It should be a good Christmas and birthday. This year I'm doing a little better and I've become a little more stronger and a little more grounded in some ways.
 I start thinking that not much in my life has changed in the past few years but I have made a lot of progress in some areas.
And I guess more of an inward change But a lot of these things I've learned have to do with my thought process. Well now it's time for bed maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

     
   
   




       

So I've been busy today. Got up early and went over to my mom's house. Then went to the store.
 Came home for awhile Then went and got my car serviced.
 Came home made some food and going to go volunteer at the library soon.
 A lot of things going on today. Just thankful for a few mins of down time.
   

So I've been kind of crazy busy today. It's nice to just have a few minutes to sit and reflect and think of how thankful I really am .
 I've just been busy today. I noticed today that my tree outside my apartment building is actually turning colors so cool for living in Mesquite where you hardly ever see the seasons of the year change..loved it. It brightened my day that was one thing I loved about today besides going to help at the senior center with my mom for about an hour.
 I've been reading in my scriptures about the importance of listening to our prophet president Thomas S. Monson and not following anyone else. I've also been reading about Jesus Christ being the head of our church.
 Oh I got a package today with some Christmas presents that I ordered. Kind of excited.
Hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving.

I haven't been up to much today. We were going to go to st George but we didn't end up going today.
 I've been a little sad these last couple of days. Lets just say I haven't made good choices in friends lately. It's been hard.
 I read my scriptures today and studied about Jesus Christ being the head of our church. I also read Teachings of Howard W Hunter about Honesty. I'm still about three lessons behind. Hoping to catch up next week.
 I had a good dream last night. I dreamt I was really really sick and Brother Healey my seminary teacher came to visit me and help me. Such a good dream.
 That's about all that's been going on.

  Well got some much needed blessings today God is good.
 First I'm finished with my therapy in Las Vegas. Individual one on one therapy. I don't have much to talk about anymore. I just want to say thank you to Dr. Warren Wheatley for your help. You really have helped me a lot. I am glad though that I don't have to go to Las Vegas anymore for therapy. It felt good leaving like I'm on to a new chapter in my life.  I felt like I've accomplished something great. It was time. Now continued group therapy is what I'll be doing. And continuing to challenge myself. I need to work on my assertive skills and boundaries. But I'm also working on accepting myself.
 My second blessing is I received help with my housing-discounted rent. What an awesome Christmas present.
 Third I get to go see the Christmas play it's a wonderful life in St. George.
 Some things in my life are starting to look up. Its been one great day.
 My scripture study was on listening to the Lord really listening and I read two chapters in Teachings of Howard W. Hunter one on marriage...something to think about and one on protecting and preserving the family. Both were really good. I came home and took some cold medicine but like I said it's really been a great day.

I haven't been up to much lately...mostly resting, reading, and being bored. Yesterday I had therapy groups.
 I'm almost done with anxiety group..have mixed feelings about that. Kind of sad cause I could use some reminders kind of glad. Anyways we kind of talked about stepping away from our anxiety and looking at it and confronting it taking it head on combined with our thought process and changing the way we think. It was a lot of thinking to take in.
 In women's group we learned the steps of how to tell someone no.
 I went to the mid singles activity last night for our church we had a bon fire..it was kind of fun.
 I am really down and sad this morning and I don't really know why. I feel like and have been crying all morning...maybe my depression medicine will help. I'm just really upset. Maybe I just need a good cry.
 They are having a blood drive today but I decided not to go because I'm sick and have been sick So they probably won't take my blood anyway.
 I have Disney kids today the jungle book. Get to go help out in the art room hopefully.
 I need to make a phone call to today but don't really want to.
 Yesterday in scripture study I studied about Eternity. Also read through a prior relief society lesson Teachings of Howard W Hunter on the sacrament. It was really a good lesson. I'm about five lessons behind and need to catch up. Sometimes I'm just in the mood to read it.
 Am reading Ernest Hemingways book For whom the bell tolls. So far it's really good.
 That's about how my life is going these days.
 I had a opportunity to accept myself with jamie last night. It was hard But I did it. I'm working on a lot. Going through a lot. Maybe that's why I'm so sad this morning.

So today has been a pretty good Veterans Day. I've been sick so I've been resting today and am thankful for the freedom to do that. It has been kind of boring though.
 I've been reading and have about seven more chapters in my book. I'm reading the client by John Grisham.
 I was trying today to connect the soldiers to our future generation by what I posted on facebook. I am thankful for our future generation.
 I am very thankful for my grandpa today who served in World War II. He used to sit and talk to me about it and share his experiences. I miss that. I am glad he fought for my right to vote and all my other freedoms that I have. He served in many areas throughout Europe and was an MP at one point. Military Police. I am glad for his wisdom and knowledge that had his instincts. After the war he came home and married the cute red head my grandma Vera whom I also miss so much. He was very grateful and proud of all his kids grandkids and great grandkids. I was kind of thankful he wasn't around to see this election I think it really would have bothered him but hopefully we can make America great again. Thank you for all your posts about Veterans Day and I think that's where change starts with good people like you. In our own homes.
 I've had a lot of time to sit and ponder today about our veterans and have spent time listening to patriotic music. I'm glad to be an American.
 I forgot to read my scriptures today oops.
  I haven't had any bad dreams lately. Knowing I am loved has been helping.

So I didn't do much today. Helped Jamie move a few things around in her house cause she's cleaning.
 I have a cough and I don't know why. Hopefully it will get better soon.
 I did read some in my book and I did some of my puzzle book.
    I did read my scriptures today but today's and the thought for tommorrow is the same so I will wait till tommorrow.
 Nothing too good to watch on TV tonight don't really have anything to do tommorrow might be a long day but maybe a day of rest cause I am sick.
 My hot chocolate tonight really hit the spot.
  I am working on knowing I am loved and knowing I'm accepted and accepting myself
Its taken me a long time to get this far and this one has a lot to do with Jamie which is my hard one but I'll make it through.
 We are learning assertive skills in my women's group but it's a very difficult thing for me to do. I don't know if I can. Luckily there hasn't been any situations at home lately where I've had to use it but I know they are coming.
 I hate how things are different sometimes. They had to be though after I went through the temple and working on Jamie especially being there with me. This is my hard one. I've also been working on my mom but Jamie is especially hard. But then I can finally say I'm finished with working through my hard difficulties it may still be there for a little while But I'm getting closer to being finished. I think acceptance of myself will help me a lot. I'm still working through my anxiety group although accepting myself helps with that and I have my depression group to go through and also my grieving group but I'm making progress.
 

I am so glad elections are over. I voted early and wanted to vote third party but I ended up voting for Donald Trump because I didn't want Hilary to win because I wanted someone who would stick up for religious freedom and I didn't agree with her abortion policy. I felt good about my decision and my vote even though Trump is also corrupt in some ways but he is also very honest and tends to check his facts. I am just glad it's over and that Trump won over Hilary.
God heard my prayers and I think this has been a wake up call for all of us that we need to be more righteous. I think we can make the biggest difference of all in our own homes.
 I so love the scriptures. I have been reading about something near and dear to my heart something special that I do not want to share on a blog but I will say this. I've been studying two different names of our Savior Jesus Christ. When he is referred to as Lord and when he is referred to as Jehovah. I even studied the meaning of the name Jehovah in the bible dictionary and it is amazing.
I haven't done much today I Went and volunteered at the Mesquite Library for an hour.
 Tomorrow I have to get up early for an appointment and I have Disney kids show tommorrow afternoon.

So I really wanted to say something in church all day.
 I am thankful for my many blessings. I have been praying for our country and the election starting last night and this morning and all day but . I really studied out who to vote for this year but. this morning I. also got an impression that we have to have faith in our Savior.
 I spend a lot of time with nonmembers these days in my groups and things and I have to have the strength of my scriptures and my testimony. I have to keep myself and my testimony strengthened. So that I an stand for the things I know are true and so I know what it is I believe. Cause if I didn't some of these voices could lead me down the wrong path if I didn't know what it was I believed in and if I didn't have that reminder or the strength that the scriptures give me every day.

Well it has seemed like I've been busy lately. Yesterday I went to Anxiety group and women's group. In anxiety group we talked about the different areas of self talk and which areas are more dominant in our life. The worried the critic the victim and the perfectionist. I have a little of all of them and I've been working on them, but the critic seems to be the most dominate in my life. In women's group we talked about being assertive.
 I had a fun Halloween at the fourth ward party and trunk or treat.
 Today I decided that a book my neighbor loaned me a book that is Just way not appropriate so I'm going to give it back to her in a few days.
I also went and voted today at early voting. sad to say I'm not to happy with any of the presidential candidates nor the one I voted for. I am now over at jl bowler elementary helping with Disney kids show the jungle book.
In my scripture reading I've been reading about Parley p Pratt and Orsen Pratt the early missionaries and also the importance of listening to the spirit and to the Lord.
 I have relief society tonight and the world series cubs vs Indians again tonight. Go Cubs.

Yesterday I got up and went over and used my sister's computer...had to get some relief society stuff done. In the afternoon I went over and helped in the art room for the Disney kids show. They made tress jungle leaves and butterflies.
 I then went home and watched the Indians Cubs game in the world series. Sad to say my cubs lost. The Indians have a good team this year..we will see how they do tonight.
 Today I had an appointment with Kim then later I went and volunteered at the library..I'm now straightening the adult dvds. On Wednesday's for now.
   In my scripture study yesterday I learned about peer influence. I didn't evenin know that was a subject in the typical guide. Today I studied about Thomas B. Marsh. Don't know much about him except he was faithful and was called to leave his family and serve a mission for a time.

So yesterday I went to church. The missionaries talked in our ward and did such an awesome job. Elder Hammer talked about the atonement but also about a talk given by president Hinckley it sounds like I need to read called symbols of our faith. Elder Elliot bore powerful testimony and talked about being a directed dedicated disciple.
 In Sunday school we talked about Christ appearing to the Nephites blessing the children and instituting the sacrament. In relief society we talked about the book of Mormon.
 After church we went to a birthday party for my nephew Wyatt who turned three. I was glad to be there for him.
 Today in my scripture reading I read about how we shouldn't be afraid of men when talking about our religion.
 In anxiety group We talked about phobias and I have a lot of them. We made a plan to work on at least one of them this week.
 Then in woman's group We talked a lot about communication skills being the speaker and the listener how to ask questions that are not open ended and how to use reflective listening.
We had to speak about a topic for one minute in a small group the topic I got wS toilet paper go figure. No it wasn't that bad.
 Now I'm home its been raining and thundering all morning. I am trying to decide what I should do. My broncos play today so of course I want to watch the game. Do I want to read rest watch tv or a movie or do something else? My dishes are done. I'm wearing my nightmare before Christmas shirt and it's a good day. Except I wish I had more or someone to talk to sometimes.
Goooo Broncos.

So I haven't written for a few days I've kind of been down.  "Down" as in hurting and depressed.
       I've just been sad and not myself. Reading scriptures and praying helps but I'm tired of feeling like I'm alone in the fight. I'm glad Naomi could be there with me or for me she's a really good friend and I'm lucky to have her.
 In my scripture reading I've been learning about how precious as a creation we are to God. I've also read about prayer today in the book of Mormon and how important it is. I also was reading about one of God and Jesus names called Jehovah. At first he told Moses I am that I am but it says they didn't know him as Jehovah. Anyways no matter what his name he is the same from everlasting to everlasting.
Those are pretty much my scripture notes-concepts lately.

I hope I can have a better day today. Mom and I are going to the store sometime today.

It's been an emotionally hard day for me. I've was home all morning.
I went and did some paperwork with my landlord then I went over to help with the Disney show. They are doing the jungle book. The kids are learning dances and today I helped the art kids with the scenery. It was fun. I went and checked on my mom whose been sick all day and now I'm home again.

So I was in brianhead this morning but we spent most of the day in Bryce Canyon then heading home.
   Nature is beautiful even when your trying to keep up with a two year old. No I loved spending every minute with two of my nephews. Ian and Wyatt.
 Its been a long day now I'm in my apartment ready for a rest.

So I didn't write yesterday. It's been one busy fun crazy week with my nephews. But it's been fun.
 Today I woke up and went with my walking group and we planned our trip to my Charleston.
 Then I went home and changed then went to Jamie's and spent time with my nephews. I ran down to the elementary school for a few minutes and afterwards jamie came home and we went up to Brian head. I am now sleeping in the hotel.
In my scripture study I studied about apostles and what it means for them to sustain the prophet.

So last night I set my alarm for the wrong time. So I woke up in a rush cause I had to go to a therapy session in Las Vegas. He thinks I'm doing good he tells me basically to live my life and try to take things slowly. Live in the moment savor the moment. He thinks I'm on track. I was feeling anxious in the car ( riding) so I practiced my deep breathing skills then. My relaxation exercises.
 I got home about 3:30 so I read and relaxed then I went to st George to pick up 2 of my nephews with mom and Jamie.
 Its been a busy day ...a busy week. And I have to remember and find time to do a few other errands.
 My scripture study today was short and sweet it was from the book of Mormon on bearething record. Like sometimes how the holy ghost tells us things that are true and sometimes we are witnesses to the truth.
That's about it.

I had two things to do today. I went and watched the Disney kids learn a dance at Joseph bowler elementary school. They are doing the jungle book and the kids did such a great job today learning the dance and paying attention.
 The other thing was I had a stake relief society training meeting and can I just say that the spirit was very strong. They talked about the importance of our temple garments and can I just say I wanted to share the importance of sharing some positive FAITH promoting experiences help us learn about the temple garments. It really was a good meeting. The spirit was So strong. Sometimes I wonder or I think about garments and other temple clothes when the scriptures and pioneers talk about grinding up there loins. Its that extra strength of faith that I feel like after attending a temple session.

Well I didn't post yesterday. I went to church where we sat in a quiet testimony meeting..I didn't have much to say and my mom pretty much said what I would say.
In Sunday school my special class for teachers we talked about spontaneous teaching moments. I think sometimes questions and comments from the class can be inspired but we also have to listen to the spirit.
 In relief society we talked about being honest. Because of fear I have not been honest lately and plan to do better in the future. I think honesty is taught best when you are young in a loving caring environment where people are good at communication which is not what I grew up with. I have been honest with myself however in my therapy and it has made a difference I think.
 I helped watch two of my nephews and Then went to the singles activity. Which turned out Ok. I liked my moms cupcakes.
 Today in anxiety group we practiced deep breathing relaxation and visual imagery strategies. And about taking care of ourselves.
 In women's group we talked about and set some goals for ourselves.
 Now I'm home resting before I go on a relief society errand. And I might do some reading.
 In scripture study I learned about listening to the voice of the lord and revelation we just had a chance to listen to our prophet and he told us that we need to improve. So I am working on improving myself.There were also many other inspired talks in conference that we can listen to also.

 Well this morning I went and helped clean the church. It wasn't easy trying to clean around a baptism. Afterwards I went and spent the morning with 2 of my nephews and came home and showered then went. and watched. 2 of my nephews and played with them all day long. So much fun. And thanks to Jamie for the food today. Got to see dad and Beth and Tom.
  I also didn't get a chance to read my scriptures today so I'll have to get reading again.
 That's about it. Another busy day tommorrow.

Well I went and did my blood work today. My stress class was canceled so I went with mom to pick up my nephews got to hold our baby for a little while. Hung out with my nephews. Met dad's friend but It didn't connect that that was her until I was leaving to have dinner with my nephews sorry dad and Anna.
    Now I am home. Didn't get my scriptures read today. Oops. My water is back on though.
   I've also been reading. Tommorrow I get to go clean the church and I have to go to the store besides hang out with my nephews.

one busy day.

I volunteered at the mesquite library today we had 11 bins and it took me a little longer again today.
 I came home had lunch and rested until 3:00 when I went over to Joseph bowler elementary school to help with the Disney kids show.
 Then at 5:00 I went to family history center where I learned about some of my ancestors.
   Now I'm home and my apartments main water pipes broke so I have no water except they filled my tub so I could empty the toilet and provided some bottled water.
 My scripture study was short and sweet today and from the book of Mormon it was basically about repentance. I still have some things I've been working on yes and I feel bad for all the wrong things I did and all the trouble I've caused. If anyone out there reads this who I have offended I'm sorry.
 Tommorrow got to get my blood work done and have stress class from 2:30 to about 3:45. Then we are going up to pick up my nephews for the weekend.

Well I haven't done much today. Got up at seven and wasn't feeling well so I slept in till 10:00. Read my scriptures then read. Went to find my landlord but realized she wouldn't be there until 2:00 pm so I read some more. Went and found her at 2:00 and filled out some paperwork. Came back and went to the store around 4:50. Its been kind of a boring day. Except I got to read a lot and only have four chapters left in my books.
 In my scripture reading today it said we should take "time" to read or search the scriptures. I think as I read I felt that it's important to dedicate our "time" to the lord.
 Well tommorrow I volunteer at the library and I have Disney kids show to help with maybe on tomorrow.
 I kinda hurt a little inside tonight I think it has to do with my feelings but I'm not sure what's wrong. Its only a little and not as bad as it's been.

I met with my service coordinator this morning. It went ok was kind of rough for me. Then I came home and slept. Mom said we needed to go help Jamie at school not realizing Jamie was busy so my mom brought me home. I did dishes ate dinner and read until it wad time for relief society.
 I went to relief society and it was really good all about our happily ever after based on president uchtdorfs talk to the young women.
 In scripture reading I read about the savior receiving his sons and daughters and I learned that he receives us when we are baptized and that he receives us when we listen to and follow the holy ghost. He receives his sons and daughters of god.
 That's about all for tonight. Mom and baby should be home tommorrow sometime. They are doing good.
 I am going to go get blood drawn tomorrow morning as a routine checkup and maybe try to find my landlord so I can get paperwork done. Also need to make some phone calls. Hopefully all will go well.

I went to my anxiety group today. We talked about the areas of life where our anxiety comes from and we are suppose to come up with a treatment plan for our own anxiety. I realized a few things. A lot of my anxiety still stems from not expressing my feelings. But I had a thought a lot of it is about accepting myself and my feelings which can be hard to do sometimes but it's the area that I need to work on the most. I should be proud of myself for recognizing that and looking at how far I've come. I think if I can accept myself and my feelings my anxiety will lesson.
 In women's group we made collages of where We want to be in a few years mine turned out ok But wasn't my best work ever.
 After groups I came home and took a nap I was so tired. I've also been reading c and I just made dinner and finished listening to elder Nelson conference talk about Joy. It is so good.
In my scripture study I learned about scribes today. I learned there were good people who were scribes but also bad people who were scribes but most importantly I learned that it's important to write down your impressions and your feelings and promptings. I want to tell you of an experience I had when Brittan died. I just always worry that they-my family members- will be okay. I was feeling all worried when I read a scripture that said perfect love casters out all fear. Instead of being worried or afraid I just needed to love and trust in my savior Jesus Christ. I just wanted to share that.
 I don't know what I'm going to do the rest of the night. We didn't go see our baby tonight but heard he's doing good and eating.
 I have another appointment tomorrow. But I'm free most of the afternoon. I need to run to the pharmacy also tommorrow.

So I watched conference this morning and afternoon with mom and Jamie at Jamie's house. It was really good. I think out of all the talks I really enjoyed brother Nelsons because it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately...Men are that they might Have joy. After conference I came home and had a nap Well I tried to have a nap.
 Then we went to St George to see our baby. He's doing good. Trying to learn how to eat.
     I have to go to the bank and to wall art in the morning then to my therapy groups.
   I am trying to be better at finding more wholesome activities to do on the Sabbath.
    Anyways that's been my day. I'll have to re look at my goals now that conference is here. And I'm working on putting the talks in order of the importance that they are in my life. Its a lot to think about. A lot of divine instruction. I don't think one talk is better then another but it's kind of how the spirit hits me in order of preference I give them.
 Good night.

So I went up early with mom to see our miracle baby and he is so cute. We think he's going to be ok. He's doing good.
 Made it home during the first speaker of conference well not home but Jamie's. I don't know the talks were good and I listened intently I've been praying for the speakers, but I had a hard time getting into it. I can't decide what my favourite talk was probably uchtdorf so far cause he talked about having gratitude. It sounds like though we've. got a lot of work to do. Missionary work and repenting fo me. I still also like the conference talks from the women's session. Well see how tomorrow goes. I am looking forward to hearing from our prophet.
 I've been thinking in regards to missionary work a lot of people I'm around these days who are not lds.....I think they think sometimes that there is no one who understands the things they've had to. go through in life..wether it be their childhood or also in there adult life. They don't think anyone cares about it or realizes how hard it is.....not much understanding or compassion.
 I came home and needed sleep from getting up early this morning and visiting the baby. I finally got a few minutes of sleep.
 I had to go to the grocery store and I was in pretty good spirits. Right now I'm a little down but I'm ok. Sometimes people hear things the wrong way or it may be because they are hiding hurt from themselves cause of things they've been through. I can't always believe everything I hear.
 Now I'm posting this blog and getting ready to call it a night. So I can get up tommorrow again for conference.

 So they had the baby. It had complications getting here, but they think it's going to be ok. We think But we are still hoping and praying. Kent and Lindy have both been through a lot today. We are planning on going to see him tomorrow. Who knows about conference-- I've been looking so forward to it but this is more important - being there for family.
 I went walking this morning with my walking group. We did a relaxation exercise and talked about ways to cope with stress.
 I came home and relaxed had lunch and got dressed for the day. Then I've been reading and texting friends.
 My home teachers stopped by-- thank you so much. It was nice to see them. And we got the call about the baby as we were watching the Mesquite- Moapa football game. When we left Mesquite was ahead by a touchdown without one quarter left to play. It was a good game even if the refs didn't like us to well tonight. Just heard we won the game.
 My scripture reading has been about scribes. And it will be tomorrow's thought to and scriptures.
Tonight my thoughts are with Kent and Lindy and our new baby Emmit Clark Jones.
Everything will be ok. I'm sure they all did a great job considering the circumstances.

 
 

So I'm feeling better today.
  I volunteered at the library we had 10 bins and it took us a little longer then usual but that's ok. I was dragging and wasn't feeling good. Mostly tired I woke up last night and couldn't sleep.
 Needless to say I came home and slept and I feel better.
  I finished reading the gospel principals manuel and checked out a book from the library. Kingdom Keepers Disney after dark. I've read the first chapter and so far I like it.
   I watched the newer version of freaky Friday and fixed an ate dinner. Now I'm just chillin.
No baby yet.
 In my scripture reading today I read about pride. I've got some pride in me. Everyone has pride but I've got to learn to swallow it sometimes. I know at times I need others help but it's hard sometimes. Its hard and I get scared. Talking about letting yourself feel vulnerable again. I think with baby steps I'm making some improvements.
 Some small headaches tonight. It might be cause I still need new glasses but it might just be my brain hurting.
 Anyways I've been having more good days and I'm smiling more. I just have hard days some days but I'm trying to work on my positivity. Find things each day that are positive. I'm way to hard on myself sometimes but that's what I've been learning in therapy look at where I've come from and it's not all or always my fault. I'm trying to do the best with what I've been given. Just lately it's been hard in some areas to do my best. But I've got to give myself some credit.
I've got walking- stress group tomorrow. From about 9:00 to 11:00.

Today I slept in , read, and watched tv. I had a good day just not much to do.
 Tonight I went and helped Jamie assemble her treat bags.
 No headaches last night or bad dreams. I know when I have a bad dream..I've learned to pray, but I think I've found a way to comfort myself when I'm scared. I'm hoping it will help me a little with my mom.
 No baby yet but soon maybe..she's dialating tonight.
 In my scriptures I read today about old covenants are passed away because Christ fulfilled the law of Moses and now we have new and everlasting covenants.
I'm hoping some of my nonmember friends watch conference this weekend. They may not be to happy with me but before all the crazy stuff I have been a pretty good example to them. In my heart I want them to understand the best way I can teach them about love and about and through the spirit touching their lives. I've tried my hardest to reach them or come up with ways they might understand. Its taken a little trial and error but I do respect them and the things that they believe. I just don't ever want them to ask me why I never told them the things that I know. And I love my nonmember friends so much.
Don't worry I'm ok but I'm in a little pain tonight because of my feelings. I think it has something to do with my sister but I'm not exactly sure what's wrong. They say Its good for me to write about my feelings. I usually write to my friend but I know a journal is good too but Maybe I should tell my sister. I kind of have to talk to her in a round about way about my feelings, but I'm not even exactly sure at this point what it is that's bothering me like I don't really know what is wrong inside. I'll keep thinking about it. In the meantime keep me in your prayers.

This morning I had a med clinic appointment which went ok. Then I went to the grocery store.
I've been kind of bored at home. I've been watching tv and made me some dinner.
 I'm watching the karate kid the new one that came out .. I haven't seen It yet.
 My scripture study was on the importance of record keeping...so important.
   No headaches or bad dreams last night so glad.
Not much going on today or tommorrow.

I went to my groups today. In anxiety group we talked about where anxiety comes from. We are trying to identify triggers. We talked about the importance of expressing your feelings and did some deep breathing exercises. I am still finding myself afraid of being or feeling vulnerable.
 In women's group we talked about our support groups and areas of supports in our life's. We also talked about life stressors and ptsd. We are going to discover some of our strengths and weaknesses next week. We also answered some questions and got to know each other a little better.
 I was suppose to go on some relief society errands tonight, but we decided to go another night.
 In my scriptures I studied about the rise of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints when it first started and I was thinking how far we have come as a church since those humble beginnings.
 We also talked about in groups the importance of keeping a journal. I'm trying to save space in my journal for conference this weekend. I noticed some journalds on sale though I will have to check out.
 Anyways I haven't felt to anxious today a little during anxiety group cause it's new. And I haven't really felt depressed today.
 Oh I did have a few headaches last night and I had a bad dream but my brother was there with me in my dream so I wasn't as scared. So that's a plus.
I've also been thinking about self help books which I like to read, but the best self help book of all is the book of Mormon and the biggest strength of all is found in my savior Jesus Christ and his atonement.

The Tausinga Family talked and sang in our ward today. They did a great job. The girls did awesome talking about covenants and the holy ghost. Kristi talked about some of her trials in life and also did a good job. Felipe talked about having a sure foundation.
   In Sunday school we talked about the nephites waiting for the sign of Christ's birth. We also talked about the importance of coming together with unity...there is strength in numbers.
 In relief society we talked about repentance and forgiveness. I am one to hold grudges but I'm learning its not a good thing. I have had to forgive someone in my life that was really hard to forgive. I am currently trying to forgive other people that have done me wrong and or offended me. Its not easy but prayer really does help. And so does relying upon the atonement.
 I have also been working on repenting and I hope others forgive me. There has been quite a few accidents and I am sorry and feel bad for the things I have done wrong and I am trying to turn over a new leaf.
So thankful for the atonement of our savior Jesus Christ.
  I had a relief society meeting after church then I went to Jamie's and We had dinner and visited. Jamie and mom and I.
 I am looking forward to my anxiety group tomorrow.

A great conference

Today I got up around 12:00 noon well was up and moving by then. Went and had lunch with my mom and came home and read and rested.
 At 5:00 we went to women's conference Which was so good. They talked about something I've been thinking about for a long time speaking kind words to each other and being positive in our talk. I am thankful for the sister who talked about mental health issues I've had some similar powerful experiences. For the sister who told US to rise up and understand the doctrine of Christ. And for president uchtdorf who talked about his women of sunshine and having faith and not giving up. It was so good.
In my scripture study today I learned about Christ being Alpha and Omega. And I learned something that when he Jesus Christ died He overcame all the temptations of Satan in this life and that is why he has the power over Satan. It was a pretty powerful lesson today.
Tonight I'm sitting here contemplating the messages I heard. Sometimes I just wish the spirit of those meetings would last longer then they do. What a great meeting so excited for the rest of conference I have been praying for the speakers and am looking forward to it.
That's my night.

I just heard my uncle Alvy passed away earlier in the week ..makes me sad.
 I didn't sleep very good last night and I had a bad dream. Maybe I'll sleep better tonight.
  So I got up and went walking this morning then had a stress group where I made a mosaic butterfly. Then came home and have been under the covers.
  Was going to go to the homecoming game with my mom tonight. Football game, but she ended up having a small cold she's trying to get rid of.
 Its also my friend Larraines birthday today.
  Well I didn't get my scriptures read today and I need to repent. That's about how my day has gone.

So I went and volunteered at the mesquite library today. We had 10 bins not bad. Got done around my normal time.
 I came home and laid down with a blanket over me cause I was cold and I ended up falling asleep. I had a hard time getting to slep last night but when I did I slept good. O was a little sad last night I don't know why and feeling really anxious. I woke up about two this afternoon then I was on the internet for about an hour and watched tv (Reba) for about an hour before I went down to the family history center.We kind of watched and-or listened to the homecoming parade down there.
 Tomorrow I'm getting up and going walking with my group.
My scripture study was about how the spirit manifests to US when things are true or right. I am so thankful for that manifestation that he gives me in my life.

So my phone is being slow today.
 Jamie texted me early this morning and said I could use her computer...so I got up and went over there and finished my laundry and used her computer.
Then I came home and slept cause I didn't sleep well last night. Just couldn't go to sleep. I got up watched a little tv but mostly did my dishes. I also made a strawberry cake if you haven't had a strawberry cake before you should try one it's very good.
 Oh Susan called from Mesquite Behaviral Health Center and I guess I agreed to join a walking group on Friday's and then do a stress group with her before coming home. I don't really know why I agreed to the walking part but I did. Maybe it will be good for me.
 In my scriptures today I thought about hoe Joseph Smith must have been relieved when he learned that three others were to be witnesses of the golden plates.
  I don't know what I'm going to do tonight maybe watch a movie.
Today is my friend Bethany Jensens birthday. Happy birthday Bethany.
Tommorrow I volunteer at the library.

 Today I didn't have anything to do. I was up around 8:00 or 9:00. Got dressed about 11:00 and went to the store about 12:30 where I ran into Lynne Anderson.
 Jamie texted me and said that the music teacher at there school wants my help to do there Disney kids show. I'm excited and hope I can help I just don't know what the next few months will bring for me. But I'm going to help as much as I can for now.
 I've been watching chopped junior to pass the time and now I'm sitting in my room. Don't really have anything to do tomorrow either.
 So my scripture ponderizing was on the word Hearken today. How many times do we hearken to the spirit- what the lord wants us to do?
Mom and Jamie have meetings tonight so I'm just chillin and reading and watching tv.

9-19-16 A Group Day

So I didn't have any headaches last night. Just some small ones this afternoon.
 I started my new group today the anxiety group. We talked about the different kinds of anxiety and I learned that I have a lot of anxiety in most of the categories. I was a little anxious being there today, but I did ok.
 I also had my women's group this afternoon. We talked about our goals and a little about what we wanted. We also talked about having a strong social support system. I am blessed with many good friends. I am very lucky.
 My scripture study thought was about how sometimes God speaks to us with " sharpness" and about the power of God how powerful he is.
 Now I'm just chillin at home getting ready to cook some dinner.
 No baby yet.

9-18-16 Another church day

Church was good today. They talked about conference in sacrament meeting. I can't wait for General conference. There are two conference talks that have influenced my life Brother Healey gave us our senior year when I was on seminary council. One was called Beware of pride the other is called the balm of Gilead.(however you spell it.) I have also drawn close to Thomas S. Monson lately who is the prophet who helped me with my testimony of the atonement and how to trust and be at one with Heavenly Father have the same goals and the same plan. He will always be a special prophet to me. Brother Anderson talked to us about families and to always remember the sacrament.
In Sunday school we talked about Samuel the Laminite. Hardening and softening of hearts and steadfastness.
 I got set apart during Sunday school and the council the lord gave me I wasn't expecting but I'll try my best.
 During relief society we talked about what makes a good parent. I think good communication skills are important and I liked that they brought up elder Ballard talk of having family councils.
 Well I wouldn't have watched the game but Jamie had me help her set up her New tv today. I'm so ecstatic that the Denver broncos won. They were playing the Colts today. And we won.
I am now home relaxing. I start my new group tommorrow the anxiety group and I'm a little anxious.
Ok so I had more bad headaches last night I thought it was cause I need new glasses but I think it's more then that. Anyways I didn't sleep well last night, but maybe I've gotten to much sleep lately. Oh I finished my books too about Brigham Young. It was an ok book. Not what I was looking for but oh well so I started a new book I'm reading the gospel principles manuel now.
And that is my day.
Busy day tommorrow with back to back groups. I'll let you know how it goes.

9-17-16 My Saturday

So I had another scary dream last night. I also took some tylonal for an earache last night and this morning so I slept in and was lazy. I also had some bad headaches last night so I was thankful for the tylonal.
 I got dressed this afternoon and went over to visit with my mom. I thought I needed more gas for my car but I have enough for tomorrow.
Now I'm home have eaten dinner and just relaxing. I also discovered that my CD player wants to work now in my car. Yay.
My scripture study for today was that the book of Mormon is a marvelous work again. Man that book is so important.
 No baby yet though. Still waiting for my nephew to be born.

9-16-16 Another Day

    Ok so I had a nightmare last night then I turned around and had a nicer dream.  So
 This morning I got to sleep in but it was another therapy day today. I went and saw my therapist in town. We talked about our thoughts and but mostly about grieving.
 I came home and read a little, was a little bored and a little sad and then iwatched some tv. Tonight I went to the ward party. It was good. The food was good.
My scripture study was again today on conferring and how it needs to be done by the proper authority. It was really good scripture references and scripture reading. It's amazing how it was done in the same way in bible times as it's done today.
And that has been my day.

9-15-16 Today

 So today I volunteered at the library we had about 10 bins not bad. Then I went to do some errands where I discovered Smith's parking lot is crazy cause they are repaving the majority of it, but I survived.
 Then I came home and slept and caved in and watched an episode of Star Trek the next generation which was good. It was on Tv. Then I went down to the family history center where I discovered there is a lot of Edward Jones' in my dads family line. So it's been a discovery day I guess.
 My scripture study I've been studying and pondering the word confer so I was thinking about how it has to be conferred through a direct line through Christ when they confer the priesthood. It's tomorrows study too it was kind of long so I broke it up into two days.
 And that has been my day today. Now I'm home resting and relaxing.

9-14-2016. A Therapist day

So I've been really stressed lately but today for some reason I've been very calm.
 Went to my therapist today in Vegas. We talked about a few things but mostly how it's important for me to voice my opinion when and especially when I don't agree with someone mostly about owning my feelings and we talked a little about depression. I have like a delay sometimes though like I don't really know how what someone says is going to make me feel so I don't recognize right away that I need to own my feelings then. Maybe it will just take me being more aware of it. He said talking to a friend is good but it's better if you can get your feelings and opinions out. I felt better after talking to him.
 I came home and chatted with a friend then actually made some dinner instead of having breakfast for dinner.
I also colored some in my adult coloring book the colors just kind of came together and Its turning out better then what I thought. It looks nice.
 Also in my scripture study today it talked about a great work. Meaning the book of Mormon again I think. And just the gospel in General.

9-13-2016 My day

Slept in again today and I didn't want to get up.
Got up went to Smith's to pick up my medicine.
Went and visited with my mom and came home discouraged upset and depressed. Am trying to talk to a friend about it but it has to do with teaching and my future and my self- esteem. Am feeling pretty down.
  My scriptural thought for the day was again the book of Mormon being a marvelous work.
 I have to go to Vegas tomorrow to talk to my therapist then I have an appointment with my mesquite therapist on Friday.

9-12-16 My day

So today I slept in this morning which it was nice to catch up on my sleep.
  In the afternoon I had women's group where we talked mostly about self-esteem.
 After women's group I stopped at a friends house Elinor Lewis to wish her a very happy birthday, but she wasn't home. So I went and helped mom get some peaches she ordered.
After that I came home  and had dinner and went to our first 30 and up singles activity- it was an ice cream social. It was nice to socialize and there was a nice group lots of nice people just kind of really diverse in ages but the important thing is to have fun and enjoy yourself right.
 My scripture thought for the day was on prayer and asking the Lord when we have questions.
That's been my day.

9-11-2016 Remembering September 11 and church day.

So I was at home (my mom's house) getting ready for work when September 11 happened the attacks on the us. I worked at an elementary school. Our principle told us the children may be upset by what has happened and to be careful but we could give them a one arm hug to reassure them things would be okay. I taught special needs kids and found that one of my students didn't understand what was going on but just wanted to hold my hand that morning cause they sensed something was different.
My brother was on a mission in Ecuador and I bought him a magazine and me a book to help us remember that day. I think what is more important is to remember the lives that were lost and how we as a country became United,and also the prayers that were lifted up to God on that day.
 So it was also church day today. In sacrament meeting they talked about the importance of General conference. I remember watching as a kid and always looking for the prophet Spencer w Kimbal and Ezra Taft Bensen. My real love of conference didn't come though until I was in seminary. We talked about how important it was and I started looking forward to it every year.
In Sunday school they were talking about trampling the commandments of God under there feet and what it meant. There were some good comments. I was thinking about how maybe something might be just a little wrong but we tell ourselves it's ok. You know justification and trying to justify it to ourselves.
 Relief Society was about marriage an eternal partnership but I didn't have much to say about that subject.
 Anyways went and had Sunday dinner at Jamie's now I'm home and wanting to take a nap. Who knows what I will do this afternoon. I usually don't read my scriptures on Sunday which is weird except along with Sunday school. And I usually don't know what activities to do on Sunday. Sometimes I email our missionaries. But I need to find more wholesome activities.

9-10-16 A walk, some tv, and a dinner

So this morning Jamie and I did the suicide prevention walk in Mesquite. I walked for the five people that I have known who have committed suicide. It was a special day for one of them who was a family member who had a birthday today which made it kind of even more significant and special. We all need to take care of our mental health issues recognize the signs and get and accept help when needed. We walked for six laps a mile and a half. I'm sure our loved ones were right there beside us.
 After I came home from the walk I slept for a few hours. Then I was pretty bored. I finally decided to watch tv. I watched chopped junior and some Reba.
 Then I went out to dinner with my family. Kent and Lindy and the boys came by and we went with them and took Stone with us out for pizza.
  Its close to bedtime cause I have to get up early again for church tomorrow.
 In my scripture study today my thought was on Oliver Cowdry who was a school teacher and a scribe to Joseph Smith. Was also contemplating spiritual gifts. I know one spiritual gift that I have is the gift of discernment I can tell when something is not quite right. I like to think of myself as another Radar at times. In some ways. I'm sure I've been blessed with more gifts even though they are not visible at the moment. I hope that I use my gifts for good on the world I hope and pray sometimes that I don't mess up and make mistakes and if I do I hope I am forgiven. Its just heavenly father understands how hard my life has been and he understands what it is that I need. What it is that is good for me.

9-9-16 A good day.

Went to the police department to get a few things taken care of early this morning.
 Watched some tv and made some dinner for a friend in need this afternoon. Been chatting and visiting with a few friends today. And went and spent some time with my mom.
 Now I'm home relaxing.
My scripture thought for the day was being beloved. What would it be like to be beloved of God and Jesus Christ. We are beloved by them especially when we keep the commandments.

9-8-16 Library, family history, and scripture study

 For those who don't know-I volunteer at the City of Mesquite Library on thursdays helping alphabetize books people ordered before they go on the shelf. Seeing how we had labor day weekend we were quite busy today with 20 bins. Usually it takes an hour and a half today it took me three hours. That's ok though I enjoyed it and its good to be busy.
  Went down to the family history center visited with my mom and did some indexing and some research. It was fun.
In my scripture study today my thought was on the same thing as the other day. The book of Mormon is a marvelous work.
 In other news they were going to wait to do Preston surgery but the Lord heard our prayers cause they think they can get him in sooner. Yes God is good.

9-7-16 Library helper and a boring day

Started out this morning helping my sister at her school in the library..some May say I'm a traitor, but I'd rather be at my old school , but you do what you have to do for a sister in need.
 The rest of my day has been pretty boring. I've been on the internet. Tried to entertain myself with my adult coloring book but it's been boring.
This afternoon I visited my mom and came home and had breakfast for dinner that's been nice.
  In other news please pray for my cousin in law Preston Thorton his health is not doing well at the moment and he's going in for surgery to have a pick line put in. My sister in laws baby is breech if it doesn't turn they will have to do a C-section.-Maybe life being boring is better then excitement like this.
Just kidding-
    In my scripture study I had a few thoughts. Was pondering Martin Harris today and how the lord taught him the process of repentance through revelation given through Joseph Smith. Was also thinking about the importance of witnesses.
 That's about it for today.

A disapppointing morning but a nice evening.

My doctors and therapist appointments were cancelled this morning they both called in sick so I was a little disappointed.
  The highlights of my day was seeing my nephew's Ian and Wyatt for a few minutes and night relief society. I'm thankful for an emergency binder that we made and was grateful for such good company.
 My ponderizing scriptural thought for the day was How is the book of Mormon a marvelous work? It is in many ways isn't it. I love and am thankful for the Book of Mormon which is another testament of our savior Jesus Christ and am so thankful for the sacrifices made and the care of that precious book.

9-5-16 A fun day

Happy Birthday Ian Kent Jones! It was so much fun spending time with my nephew today. Laser tag at fiesta fun in St. George was a blast!! Of course it helps to be on the wining team twice. Just kidding. Seriously I had a lot of fun.
Its also my friend Joan's birthday today and uncle Tom was supposed to be released from the hospital today. What a great day and a great way to spend Labor day.
  In my scripture study today was pondering how to keep sacred things sacred.
   Overall it's been a great day.

9-4-16 An eventful Sunday.

Studied my scriptures and have been thinking about God's works and how great and marvelous they are. His works such as the creation, his works through priesthood power, his works in the translation of the book of Mormon and his works in the restoration of the gospel.
On another subject. So I shircked my relief society duties and went to the Shaws house for a great and yummy birthday dinner for my nephew Ian who will be six tomorrow. Thank you to the Shaws. It was fun visiting with you. And thanks for the birthday cake Jen it was so fun to see and spend time with my nephews Ian and Wyatt. And I look forward to seeing them tomorrow.
I also got to go visit my uncle Tom in the hospital. Don't worry he's ok and looking good and should be released soon.

9-3-2016 My day

 Went out to lunch with mom today at Wolfcreek restraunt.  I had my favorite southwest chicken salad.
I've been a little stressed lately and have had a lot on my mind about my future as in what I should do. What direction my life is taking.
Was excited to start studying the doctrine and covenants today seeing how I made it through the book of Mormon which now I also get to start reading over, but I'm studying studying doctrine and covenants yeah for me.
Feeling Greatful Stressed and Excited.